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Mike Stools
Look at me, I'm wonderful,
How fabulous I am.
I can drink a milkshake,
I can eat some Spam.
I can jump a million miles
And land upon my feet.
I can run for president
Or dictator of Crete.
Yesterday I taught a fridge
To yodel in Malay.
Tomorrow I shall catch a squid
The size of Whitley Bay.
And anyone who tells me
That I cannot do these things
Will find they're plagued by locusts
With pointy teeth and wings.
Look at me, I'm beautiful,
I'm such a handsome fellow.
I'm so good looking I'd look great
Even dressed in yellow.
I could charm a nightingale
To fall out of a tree,
I could sell my farts in jars
For over 50p.
See me as I stroll along
The high street of your town.
Watch the women-folk prostrate
Themselves upon the ground.
It's me they want, it's me they want,
It's me they want to date.
It's true it is, it really is,
Just look at me - I'm great!
